so wow. holy crap i'm so stressed. everything in my life just slapped me in the face. like TAKE THAT BITCH!!! wow.

a) school. i have 3 fucking group projects before the end of the semester. i hate group projects with a passion. the worst thing in the world to me is to depend on someone else to come through for my grade. hence why i take charge of all the groups. which just adds a little more stress. good job, kourt.
b) second interviews. i've got 4 of these coming up. holy crap i have to graduate and get a job. and apparently within like the next month. yeah, it's scary. they all seem so enthusiastic now, but just wait until i show up all frazzled and freaked out and can't answer any of their questions. then what do i do? no one will want me. fuck. then i have to move back to eagle river and rot in that stupid hellhole. excellent. and i thought i was doing so well.
c) missing school for second interviews. this is the worst combination of things ever. i HATE missing class. almost more than i hate spiders. and i reeeeeally hate spiders. missing class makes me feel like i'm not in control, and if i can control anything, it's school and probably nothing else. i don't like to control much else, but my grades are my pride and joy. so missing class stresses me out sooooo much. and i have to miss probably about 6 days of classes before the end of the semester, including an exam. and seeing that there are only a few more weeks of classes, that is a lot. A LOT. and between the group projects and last exams and whatnot, i'm going to cry and get bad grades and cry again. crap.
d) everything else. a lot of traveling coming up, that is good. i get to go to disneyworld. also good. but there's more stuff circulating than plane rides and mickey mouse. i feel like every paycheck is going down the drain, and i'm not even spending carelessly. i'm just freaking feeding myself!!! (and my cat.) i feel like i'm losing valuable time here at State by not being able to spend time with my friends because i'm stressed about school and have to leave all the time for these damn interviews. i'm concerned about everyone right now, it's not just me that is going through a rough time. it seems to be plaguing quite a few people right now, just in different ways. and i am a caring and compassionate person, so that just makes me worry and adds to everything i am thinking about. which brings up how i think so damn much. i'm an analyzer and sometimes it's just too much. i don't even think it turns off when i sleep. i love my parents, but some things they say annoy me right now. they want me to make the choices they would make, and that's not a good plan. plus my mom is getting on my case about boys right now, which is really not cool. goodness, i'm 21 now, i think i can figure it out. but on the other hand, she's been a good help to talk about for all this crapola in my life. oh, and my cellphone is breaking. which is pretty damn awesome. AND i have to iron clothes for NYC. I HATE IRONING!!!!!!!!!!!

so after whining for a considerable amount of time, i guess i feel a little better. not really. especially since this blog is halfway secret and probably no one will comment on it :( however, if you read it, i strongly invite you to comment. (or i'll pee on you.) and thanks for reading the ramblings of a little whiny girl whose problems are certainly no worse than anyone else's. which by the way, i'm not trying to say they are, but they're still there.

lastly, there are good things going on now too. (i'm certainly not as depressed as i sound, CV)

a) Stacey. i adore her with all my heart and soul. never before have i had so much fun with a girl!!! damn we have a blast together. i wish we would've gotten this close earlier, because it's great.
b) getting 2nd interviews...a solid chance is better than no chance at all...
c) other friends. i love everyone else too :) didn't mean to exclude anyone or put stacey on a pedestal, but i haven't had a best friend in a long time, so it's really special to me. but everyone else fills up my frame shelf and bulletin board too!!! so thanks for bein there this year and putting up with my drunken shenanigans...
d) real estate. love it. wayyyyy more than hb. and i'm gonna love it for the rest of my life :)
e) the OC started again. sweet.
f) my kitty pants. he'll always be a good thing in my life. i love him sooooooo much!!! Brewer = pure LOVE!
g) sunshine.

and now that no one who read this ever wants to talk to me again, i think i'll just go now.