ohhhhhhhhhh boy happy again :) like really happy. happy. happy. yay :)

life is good again in kentuckiana :) well...not that it was ever bad, it just hit a little rough spot and now it's even more awesome!!!!

alright, all i want is for someone to feel this way about me:

Stephen Speaks, "Out of My League"

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
coz she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise
coz i love her with all that i am and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's been a rocky few weeks, but i'm getting through it. i know that i'll survive, and so will my heart, despite how much i sometimes think we both will die! *sigh* i'm just so emotional and attached when it comes to boys...

on the bright side, work is still really great.

and on the sad, dark, and a little bit laughable side, the scort has died for the first time ever :( tear!

alright let's see, quick recap:

1) work still rocks, love it to death. i work long, long hours, but i like it and it doesn't even seem that way.
2) still think i should've skipped college and just become a valet.
3) love Belterra. love kentuckiana. love the phrase/name "kentuckiana."
4) love boys from SE indiana and their ridiculously cute accents, love of hot cars, and little winks at just the right times.
5) love miss Haley, everything about her. so glad i got placed here with her. not sure what i would have done without her. haven't had this much fun in a long long long time!!! i feel like i've met a total best girlfriend for life :) i just hope we don't get split up!
6) i miss my mommy. and even my pops. and definitely my niece and nephew. they're going to be so big when i see them next...
7) we're having a halloween party at our new house on the 27th and everyone should definitely road trip and come. it will be a blast, nothing less. haley and i will be sexxxxxy and we will have excellent food and booze :)
8) thinking of using my 3 days of PTO to go to florida this fall, possibly with Haley. that would be awesome.
9) i need a haircut, badly. good thing i'm going up to chicago for the weekend to get stuff from my storage unit. kinda don't want to drive, but oh well. gotta do it sometime and this weekend is good because Tell is busy with the UFC fight. even though that would be super fun to go to too :)
10) finally, i can end. bottom line: LIFE IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!

oh lordy...lots going on...loooottttttsssss going on. i feel a big blog coming on. not quite yet...but soon.

so. new development in the life of kourtney. and oooooooooooohhh it's juicy!!! and it makes me HAPPY!!! more to come, but for now i can just say that i looooooovvveeeeeeeee corvettes!!!!!!!!

:D :D :D :D

so ummm weirdest thing ever:

i go to bed last night, obviously in pajamas. pajama pants and a long sleeved tshirt. i wake up this morning with no shirt on.

yeah, i told you it was weird.

soooooooooo work is going incredibly well, as always. our retail shops will open on friday, which is hugely exciting. a big load off our shoulders, freeing up a lot of time and manpower to return attention to daily facilities ops. there will still be a lot to do because there are many unfinished corners, but for the most part, we can wash our hands of the major stuff. and then our new revolving door should be ready in a week or two also, which is very cool! it's one of those gigantic ones that moves by itself and stuff. soooooo vegas :)

*vegas style. indiana address.*

Belterra rules! ;) looking forward very much to finally starting my 15th floor remodel project after labor day! it's really exciting for me to be designated as the project manager for this. i'm nervous...anxious...but more than anything, just completely stoked!!! everything about this job just makes me happy. all the things i get to be a part of and just about every person i meet is amazing and contributes to the overall experience.

last weekend was super fun with the boys here. haley's bf is very cool. (so is mine.) we had a great time all weekend double dating and doing fun stuff. swiss wine festival = superb! had a great time on rides, laughing my ass off, and also stuffing my face with amazing fair food. i <3 fair food!!! aaaaaaaaaand we even got caricatures as couples. awesome. saturday night we went to a cincinnati reds game, which was really a great time. cool stadium (though nowhere near as amazingly wonderful as miller park), great seats, good game...overall a very fun night together :) it was a lovely weekend that i certainly didn't want to end. but unfortunately, it did, because we are all adults and have to work. bummer. at least evan showed up thursday night :)

looking forward to this weekend too. i know i am going to be absolutely blown away and so giddy all weekend, but hey, that's what vacations to new places are for :) plus it'll be awesome because it's with my man and those trips are the best!!! we are even going to be that ridiculously adorable/annoying cute couple traveling together in the airport :) hahaha. love it! i'm completely emptying out my camera's memory card, so expect about 500 new pictures on my flickr site sometime next week. i swear, i am such a japanese tourist when it comes to taking photos. oh well, at least i'll fit in in DC over labor day weekend! ha!

other than work and stuff on the weekends, i guess i don't really have too much else to say. trying to figure out what to do in september, how to plan my weekends. sounds like the weekend after labor day i'll be here because i have more reds tickets friday night. hopefully the next weekend i can get up to chitown. the next weekend i'm hoping evan can come down, otherwise i may be forced to go to that horrible place where everyone wears blue and yellow, or maize, as they call it. we'll see. it will really all depend on whether i'll start working saturdays because of my project. i might be safe for september, but the rest of the fall may become very busy very quickly! however, even if that happens, i don't foresee it as too much of a problem because i know i'll be loving it and putting in time on the weekends will not even cross my mind as a bad thing :) well, except for the part about not being able to see evan. that will be a huge problem. we both have busy falls, even just with football games and shit like that. i'm dreading the times when we won't see each other for a few weeks or a month or something because of work or just conflicting schedules, wants, needs, whatever. i don't want to think about it :( boo :( here's hoping we can always get together at least every other weekend :)

alright, it's time for bed. well, time for laundry first. stupid laundry. gotta make sure everything is all clean so i have enough to choose from for the weekend :) apparently i have to make sure my wardrobe is acceptable not only for the east coast, but also for evan's parents ;)

oh, and i miss everyone. just to let those of you who are still reading this blog know :) you should all comment to make me feel loved, even though i'm so far away :)

sooooooo my job absolutely rocks. i have a blast every single day. considering how much time one spends at work, that's pretty important. i love the people i work with, i love what i'm doing, i love where i'm working, i love my company...seriously, happiest girl ever right now!!! and i haven't even started my big project yet! it's exciting and different every day and i'm learning so much. this job will be amazing for my future and that just makes me so pleased on every level :) basically everyone should go out and buy Pinnacle Entertainment stock because this company is doing great things, and you should also come visit Belterra Casino Resort & Spa because it's gorgeous and fun :)

living in Vevay, IN, is perfectly fine for me. my hotel room has turned into kind of a little studio apartment, probably much to the dismay of the hotel managers. ha. too bad for them. there isn't much to do or anything, but i can certainly live. no different than eagle river. plus i have some cool friends here to always socialize with. yay :)

and on another happy note, this month is just pretty much the most awesome month ever! let's recap:
-first week was in vegas, which was amazing, duh
-second week was my first week of work, which of course was awesome
-last weekend i picked up my kitty cat (YAYYYYY!!!! SO happy to have him back!!!)
-this weekend Evan is coming down for the Swiss Wine Fest here in Vevay, which will be very very fun because Haley's boyfriend is also coming up from Florida
-and next weekend is Labor Day and i'll be going to Washington DC for the first time ever!!! YAY!!!! i am SO excited!!! plus i get to be shown around by a local...and meet the parents :)

overall things are going well. and oddly enough, it seems that things are going well for a lot of people in my life and that just makes everything that much better. i feel so great when all my friends and family are happy too!

so...life is good :)

short update with a longer one to follow when it's not past my bedtime:

vegas week = awesomely amazing
food in vegas = awesome deliciousness
fellow EDPs = awesome awesome!
living in vevay, IN = not really that awesome, but sort of
evan's work = not really that awesome
missing evan = not awesome at all

more details very soon :)

i feel like a part of me is gone...my scort just got taken away to move down to indiana...from some random jolly guy in a nascar tshirt...i will be without my beloved scort until august 11. how saaaaaaaad :(

well, i'm happy again for the first time in a while. like really happy! i have a few things figured out and that's a good thing. but i don't have too much scheduled or planned and that is also good. i think one of the biggest and best things that i have learned over the past 3 or 4 months is that having every little thing decided is pretty dumb and really, extremely not fun. i cannot even explain how much i have changed in that time, and it's all for the better. i've always been an incredibly positive person, but i was also pretty uptight and definitely a planner. i think i'd consider myself a little more of a free spirit now and i feel amazing!!! life has always been a ride for me, and i've always enjoyed it, but now i've got my eyes closed and my hands up in the air...WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

to translate all of that, i'll be starting a new job with pinnacle entertainment on august 6. i'll spend my first week in las vegas (SWEET!) and then move to southern indiana for 6 months. after that, i'll spend 3 months at another location. then my training program will be over and i'll get a permanent placement. i'm ecstatic that my first rotation will be in facilities/construction and i'll be a project manager for a renovation project at the casino i will be working at. excellent. hopefully it will all just keep moving on to get me exactly where i want to be in the corporate construction/development office. perfecto. i'm sad that i'll have to stop being a gypsy and start work again, but in a way, i'll still be a gypsy for the next year and it'll be super fun AND i'll be getting paid for it!! yay!

also, i think things have finally, truly come to light in that other part of my life i spend so much time talking about in my blog. and that leads to nothing but good things. dreams can't always come true. not everybody gets their prince charming and their cinderella storybook ending. maybe someday. (i will ALWAYS love you more than anything in this world. ALWAYS. but i now understand that *drum roll* everything happens for a reason, even if they're not always reasons we want to fully accept.)

lastly, on that same note, i think my sentiments have changed from my last post to reflect the ever-awesome lady madge's latest lyrics.

I don't wanna hear
I don't wanna know
Please don't say you're sorry
I've heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say 'Forgive me'
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

back to song lyrics for a sec. this song seems a perfect expression of my thoughts.

(white flag. dido.)

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

so. all moved out of illinois for now. belongings in storage unit and car. life spread all over the place. ha. some things to look forward to:

june 10-17: new york for my girl Jackie's grad party and to see the boys get back from Afghanistan. FINALLY!!! very excited to see friends i haven't seen in a long time :)

june 21-26: fort lauderdale, FL with my favorite boys from college, Jake, Eugene, and Andy. can't wait!!!! sun and fun in florida is more than i could ever ask for!!! it's going to be a great time, no matter what :)

june 30: close family friend's wedding in western michigan at one of those cute little winerys. that will be a blast!

don't know exactly what i'm doing for the 4th, or for july, but i do hope to get out to colorado to visit a friend from high school, and possibly another trip somewhere, not quite sure. i'll probably spend some time between various places, family, and friends, in wisconsin and illinois. last time i'll see a lot of people for a while!

i find out this week where i'll be placed for my casino job. pretty exciting!!! i will start with a week in vegas on august 6th and then start at my property on the 13th. i'm sure it'll come up faster than i expect. i'm both excited and nervous, but i think it will be a good summer :)

keep in touch!!!!!!

well...much has happened since my last post, hence the lack of posts. just been busy. main news now is that i'm moving. i have to be out of my apartment here in aurora in a week. the second half of that is that i have NO idea where i'm going or what i'm doing after that. well, technically, i know i'm going home for a bit so i can take the cat up there so my mom can take care of him for a while. i think i'll be doing some road tripping and traveling after that, probably for the month of june and maybe even a little of july. hopefully a trip out east and a trip out west.

but as far as employment goes, that's still up in the air. i've been interviewing and finding some things, but i'm not 100% on anything. if i don't find anything i like in the area, i'll be moving to one of several locations across the country to start my career in casino management in august. nifty, eh? we'll see. i'm not 100% sure on that either, but it's a sweet package and would set me up nicely financially for the next couple years, if anything. so wish me luck in my decision making processes, because i'm lost as hell! ha. i hate making big girl life decisions all by myself.

things have also been screwed up in the, well, i guess you could call it "love department." i think everyone who knows me knows what happened with Bart and how i have been affected by that. it's still a mess as far as i'm concerned, and i know we both are. but i think the mess will all be neatly mopped up in approximately 3 weeks. and hopefully in a good way. well actually, either way, it will be good just to be cleaned up and not sitting out there all messy...if you can follow that metaphor :) haha. i just want to do what's right for both of us, since i think we both know in our hearts what that is.

oh, and i changed my email. so if you'd like it, please get in touch. the old one will work for another week, then you have to add on @yahoo.com instead of what it used to be. cell will stay the same. and mail will have to go to the rents' house. ugh, i can't believe i'm going home for a period of time longer than 5 days. kind of makes me want to barf. at least i'm not technically moving home because all my stuff is snug as a bug in a 10x15 storage unit :)

i guess sometimes all you need is a good vent session. and some blue moon. and some really, genuinely, nice, wonderful, caring people. i'll miss the boys from work when i leave...

i had a dream last night that i was driving at night and it was completely pitch dark and i had no headlights on my car. i was driving around northwoods dirt roads, like eagle river style, and i couldn't see a thing. it was completely terrifying. when i woke up, i remembered the whole dream pretty vividly, and when i put it together, it seems like this dream is one that very much parallels my waking life. i feel like i'm driving around in the dark, no light to lead the way whatsoever, and it is also pretty terrifying. my one source of light was just shut down out of the blue, leaving me with no direction, no way to see the path in front of me.

here's hoping the lights come back on soon.

best cure for a broken heart --> go to madison.

high school friends + beer + my soft spot = freakin excellent night #1

college friends + 5 liters of beer + ridiculousness + peer pressure = great night #2

:)

and now, back to the absolute horribleness that is my daily life. :( lovely. maybe i'll spend st. patty's day up there too...

absolutely NOT feeling better anymore. at all. to sum that all up for now in a few words of samurai philosophy:

"it is a good viewpoint to see the world as a dream. when you have something like a nightmare, you will wake up and tell yourself that it was only a dream. it is said that the world we live in is not a bit different from this." ~hagakure, yamamoto tsunetomo

only it's not a fucking dream. it's a real life, waking fucking nightmare.

i'm feeling a little better. not a lot better, but a little, just in case anyone was worried. day by day i'll continue surviving. and one day i'll be back to happy.

does anyone who reads this blog watch grey's anatomy? if you do, you will know what i'm talking about when i say that right now i'm feeling a lot like meredith in the past couple episodes. tonight hit me when she pops up her head out of the water and gasps for air in the beginning of the episode...and she's speaking about all the things that happen...and then they just...don't...and then she just lets go and sinks down into the water...rather, lets herself sink down into the water, like she just doesn't have the willpower to even try to save herself. that is the feeling i have every morning when i wake up, and every night when i go to bed lately. i feel like my life is slowly breaking down and i've been treading water for a while and i'm getting tired and losing my will to fight...but at the same time, i was never and certainly am not nearly as weak as meredith grey. though i'm hovering dangerously close to the edge, i know i won't fall because, honestly, I KNOW that i have Bart to catch me before i do. i swear every blog i write lately ends in complete cheese to the average person outside the situation, but if there was ever something to make me hang on to myself, it is him. and all i hope is that while he is now hovering dangerously close to the edge too, he will feel the same way.

ugh i've got that horrible numb feeling again right now. it really came out of the blue this evening. perhaps it's because i'm sitting at home alone again for another weekend. perhaps it's because i was reading stuff about the extension. perhaps it's because my thoughts have just gotten away from me again. every time i think about Bart and how amazing this have been with him, i smile and my heart gets warm. but it also just reminds me of how distant things have been lately. and that makes me sad. makes me wonder. i have all of his letters sitting here on my desk and when i glance at them my heart just wrenches because they're filled with wonderful words and love. the latest dated one is from december. it's now almost halfway through february and things have been so odd i have honestly had the awful thoughts pass through my head that if anything at all happens to Bart, this is how it's going to be left between us...again, my heart just wrenches. i was listening to john legend earlier (amazing, by the way. take a listen.), and one of his songs really stood out. it's called stay with you and it pretty much encompasses all of my feelings toward Bart. i only wish there was a better way i could convey them to him without it aggravating or annoying him to the point of ignoring me. my expressions of love and support for him are not meant to be annoying or over the top, they are meant to be exactly what they are: reassurances of my love and support for him. i guess i just don't really know how to deal with such a touchy situation as we are in at times. i wish i had guidance, but i don't. so i just do what i know, what feels right to me, and see what happens from there. and in the meantime, i'm left to my thoughts.

perhaps if my brain were a little more challenged up to its potential at work i would have this damn problem. i really can't stand my life right now. somethin's gotta give here.

i love watching good tv shows. that sounds kind of stupid, but give me a chance to explain myself here. i'm one of those people who gets really unnecessarily lost in her thoughts a lot of the time. i overanalyze things constantly, i worry, etc etc etc. i really really appreciate people who can be succinct with their words and so easily capture real feelings and portray them (un)realistically on the small screen. i really like the show men in trees. it's cute and funny, sometimes i laugh, sometimes i tear up a little, sometimes both in one episode. (what can i say, i'm kind of emotional!) tonight the end-of-episode little monologue thingy really got me. it talked a lot about honesty, and how we are taught to be nice, like if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. how being the most honest kid on the playground won't always get you liked, but it might get you respect. i think half of that is true: you won't be liked, but in today's world, you won't be respected either. you'll just be a bitch. anyway, the other part of the speech was about how every time we close our lips to conceal our own feelings, perhaps to protect someone else, perhaps ourselves, we get to know each other a little less. and that is a very good way of expressing the truth.

the first part makes me think of my life as far as interacting with most people and friends is concerned. i was honest, but i was never liked. so much does the idea hit home that one of my best friends actually basically has told me that i need to keep my real thoughts and feelings to myself and maybe i'll be liked a little more. but do i really want to be liked for a person that i'm clearly not? no. i may be a pretty lonely person, but at least the people who are in my life know me and appreciate me for who i am, no extra niceties about me. it's not exactly easy, but i just don't believe in supressing who you are just to be liked. i would take a gander that anyone who knows me can see that in me.

the second part makes me think of my relationship with Bart. i'm so open...he's pretty closed. does that work? every time i open my mouth to talk about anything, from bullshit to deep feelings, i feel like i'm annoying. i'm a talker and he's not. am i supposed to shut the fuck up? is he supposed to open up? i press on the way i normally would, doing what i do, seeing no reason to change myself for him. if i want to share, i'm going to share. and i expect nothing less of him, he has no reason to change, he doesn't, and i don't necessarily want him to. i fell in love with Bart for who he is, my perfect man. and things have been absolutely wonderful from the very beginning!!!! now one quality we do both share is stubbornness. so, as i asked before, does that work? i believe in compromise. i believe in love. i believe a major part of love IS compromise. is that wrong? do the parts have to already be cut to fit together? or can they be molded a little bit when they find each other to fit just as snugly? or do they just kind of rub against each other until they wear down and break? back to the little idea from the show...i think that, given the circumstances, i'm trying my best to put myself out there to be known. and that's why i don't close my lips, even when other people might think that's the right thing to do. my boyfriend has made it very clear to me he won't tolerate dishonesty. so i put it all out there. i hope also that, again, given the circumstances, when this is all over, i can have the same courtesy extended to me and our rough edges will be sanded down to smoothly fit together as a long-lasting one. though the questions may cross my mind, as i'm sure they do his, in the end, i don't have any doubts that the two pieces, Bart and Kourt, will end up as one heart, Lauzon.

this morning i woke up and saw a beautiful day out my window. sunny, sparkles glinting on the morning frost. and then i stepped outside, frigid cold biting at my skin. as i start my day, i can't help but think that it presents somewhat of a metaphor for my life: sunny when you look at it, but cold once you get inside it.

all i can feel is cold and numbness.

so funniest thing this morning on the radio. usually i listen to Bob & Tom, whom i absolutely adore and make me laugh my ass off. well they were on commercial, so i was flipping through local morning shows. this girl was doing the news on 95.9 the river, my favorite classic rock station :), and she did a story that went a little like this:

"The Bachelor Rome, Lorenzo Borghese, has split with his chosen bachelorette, Jennifer Wilson. No word on what has caused the split, or whether they'll keep making that stupid show."

HAHHAHAA!!! seriously, anyone? anyone?? i laughed my frickin ass off at that!! i'm guessing the dude sitting in the car next to mine probably looked over and was like wow, what's with that chick? but whatever, i like a little humor in the morning :) haha. i don't know, it may have been because the girl's delivery was just perfect, totally dry and unexpected. either way, love it.

and also, love Bart :D

so funniest thing this morning on the radio. usually i listen to Bob & Tom, whom i absolutely adore and make me laugh my ass off. well they were on commercial, so i was flipping through local morning shows. this girl was doing the news on 95.9 the river, my favorite classic rock station :), and she did a story that went a little like this:

"The Bachelor Rome, Lorenzo Borghese, has split with his chosen bachelorette, Jennifer Wilson. No word on what has caused the split, or whether they'll keep making that stupid show."

HAHHAHAA!!! seriously, anyone? anyone?? i laughed my frickin ass off at that!! i'm guessing the dude sitting in the car next to mine probably looked over and was like wow, what's with that chick? but whatever, i like a little humor in the morning :) haha. i don't know, it may have been because the girl's delivery was just perfect, totally dry and unexpected. either way, love it.

and also, love Bart :D

so i got on the train today and there was this guy that doesn't usually ride in the car i ride in every day. he was like all flustered when he finally sat down and i was like jeez, buddy, relax. i had already been reading my book for like 5 minutes. so i noticed right away when i looked up when he sat down that he was looking straight at me. i hate it when people do that, it's totally weird. i mean it's one thing if you're just looking around and you catch eyes with someone else just looking around too, but when you catch someone staring at you, it's weird. and this guy was definitely staring at me. so on the train i always just read my book the entire 45 minutes, and i could just feel this guy's eyes burning into me the whole time. i could literally see him staring at me the entire time in my peripheral vision over my book. why, i do not know. he was completely creepy. weird creepy staring guy on the train. i brushed it off and laughed about it until Bart's mom got me all worried about him being a stalker or something...i sure hope he isn't there again tomorrow.

on a lighter note, literally, it was light out when i got out of work today!!!!!!!! that is EXCELLENT!!!! spring is coming :) well...not really that soon seeing as i'm still wearing long underwear under my work clothes, but still, it's getting lighter out and that is awesome :)

and also, i had a few little revelations today:
1) I MISS BART

wait...that's all.

guseac25 (6:25:27 PM): I just downloaded the N'SYNC Greatest Hits Album to my Ipod! Did you even know there was a N'SYNC Greatest Hits Album?!? Can you just imagine the hours of listening pleasure?!?

is it bad that i actually got really excited about this revelation and actually did imagine the hours of listening pleasure? eeeeek...

i've written 2 blog posts in the last 2 days, but i haven't posted either of them. (obviously.) i can't seem to get my thoughts together coherently and confidently enough to relay them to anyone outside of my head. here are some of the main things i can come up with, without surrounding context:

a) i am terrified, scared out of my mind
b) i'm stuck
c) i think i need to make changes
d) i haven't lived up to anyone's expectations, including my own
e) i'm alone
f) i feel like i'm losing everything

i think i need some help.

it was sooooooooooo windy today...in the Windy City. go figure.

happy new year, i can't sleep. poop.