well, i'm happy again for the first time in a while. like really happy! i have a few things figured out and that's a good thing. but i don't have too much scheduled or planned and that is also good. i think one of the biggest and best things that i have learned over the past 3 or 4 months is that having every little thing decided is pretty dumb and really, extremely not fun. i cannot even explain how much i have changed in that time, and it's all for the better. i've always been an incredibly positive person, but i was also pretty uptight and definitely a planner. i think i'd consider myself a little more of a free spirit now and i feel amazing!!! life has always been a ride for me, and i've always enjoyed it, but now i've got my eyes closed and my hands up in the air...WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

to translate all of that, i'll be starting a new job with pinnacle entertainment on august 6. i'll spend my first week in las vegas (SWEET!) and then move to southern indiana for 6 months. after that, i'll spend 3 months at another location. then my training program will be over and i'll get a permanent placement. i'm ecstatic that my first rotation will be in facilities/construction and i'll be a project manager for a renovation project at the casino i will be working at. excellent. hopefully it will all just keep moving on to get me exactly where i want to be in the corporate construction/development office. perfecto. i'm sad that i'll have to stop being a gypsy and start work again, but in a way, i'll still be a gypsy for the next year and it'll be super fun AND i'll be getting paid for it!! yay!

also, i think things have finally, truly come to light in that other part of my life i spend so much time talking about in my blog. and that leads to nothing but good things. dreams can't always come true. not everybody gets their prince charming and their cinderella storybook ending. maybe someday. (i will ALWAYS love you more than anything in this world. ALWAYS. but i now understand that *drum roll* everything happens for a reason, even if they're not always reasons we want to fully accept.)

lastly, on that same note, i think my sentiments have changed from my last post to reflect the ever-awesome lady madge's latest lyrics.

I don't wanna hear
I don't wanna know
Please don't say you're sorry
I've heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say 'Forgive me'
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

back to song lyrics for a sec. this song seems a perfect expression of my thoughts.

(white flag. dido.)

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be