well for once, the people who almost never come through came through. i guess if you have a little faith in the goodness of people, sometimes it works out. now we just have to have faith in the goodness of airlines...which could be a problem...but i don't really think so. everything will work out and a week from now, the world will be right.

in the meantime, i really need to clean my sty of an apartment. and my cat really needs to quit puking everywhere. no more milk for him!

today i found one of the best things i've found on the internet in a long time. a prize gem for a girl like me. it's the blog of a Soldier deployed to iraq who likes to call himself the last of the liberal soldier. it was incredibly slow today at work, and i somehow stumbled across his page in the midst of fumbling around through various news stories and photos. http://halfjack.typepad.com/halfjackcom/ i would HIGHLY highly recommend checking it out if you have any small interest whatsoever in politics, the war, our peers, soldiers, the army, the media, shit, just life in general. i absolutely love regular people who have a great talent for writing about the life that is so regular for them and so alien to most of us. Bart is most definitely at the top of that category of people, though he has neglected his blog quite a bit more on his afghanistan deployment than his time spent in iraq. if he was actually able to blog in afghanistan, the reasons why he can't now would show through. anyway, this guy is also a very talented amateur photographer with a real knack for manipulating his photos to show what he was really trying to capture when he took them. the link to his flickr photo page is on the blog. i also suggest checking that out. i have a strange feeling that spencer batchelder is going to become one of the many iraq war bloggers who publishes a book a little later.

and following in the footsteps of the cold, slow, sad feeling i get from reading about soldiers in combat, i received Bart's battallion's newsletter today. i ball my eyes out every single time i read it. every time, never fails. i am so incredibly proud of all of their accomplishments...these men are absolutely extraordinary in every way. put whatever bitter feelings aside about the politics and whatever else surrounding these wars...these men are risking their lives every second of the day for a year to truly help a country get onto its feet and to ultimately try their hardest to protect our own country and the rest of the west from any further distruction. yes they may have signed on the dotted line, but they believe in their cause and they're fighting for all the right reasons. it blows my mind every time i think about it. which is probably why it brings tears to my eyes. they're tears of pride and joy for the love of my life, tears of sadness for those we have lost, tears of anger at the fact these young men with families and babies and friends and mothers and fathers have to go through hell, tears of excitement and happiness at the thought they are almost ready to come home...among many other mixed emotions. i can say with confidence that i have learned and grown a lot this year because of Bart and his deployment and all the various things that go along with it. i will forever be a better, smarter, and stronger person because of it. and i never want to go through it again.

for the first time in at least a year, i feel like i'm aimlessly floundering, wandering around inside my head, not knowing what to do or say or think or feel. i've been very sure of myself for a long time now, and all of a sudden i feel like i'm losing grip on everything. i don't know why...totally unexpected...totally scaring me...and there's nothing i can do about it. i'm not sure how i could go from not questioning a thing to questioning everything. every unoccupied second i have, my mind is absolutely racing. and actually when my mind is occupied, it's still doing double duty lately. it's so strange how certain things can happen and just cause an explosion. i go from crying uncontrollably to being raving mad to just depressed and sad to happy and content...difficult to explain. difficult to get through, and even moreso because there will be no dealing with any part of it for a few more months. possibly a reason i'm having a hard time getting past it right now. but that's besides the point really. i should be able to handle myself. just really hard to be alone right now, i guess. and trying to come to terms with the fact that might not change. and struggling with everything else, from money to my complexion. is it the holidays that does this shit? jeez. i miss my friends, i miss my family, i miss Bart, i miss his family, i miss my damn Grandma Minnie so much i can't help but cry every time i think about how i didn't cry at her funeral. i practically yelled at my Grandma Suzie over thanksgiving about how no one even cared to let me have anything from Grandma's house when she died...just a random sampling of thoughts. wonderful, right? toss in a little bit of "the unit" style missions for the next 5 years, and you've got yourself a jumbled up little girl. i want my mommy. and i want my Bart home. NOW. for good.

i've been ordered to update, so update i will. (yes, Sergeant Lauzon!)

i bought my mommy wicked tickets for Christmas. actually it's for a combined Christmas/50th birthday present. (don't tell anyone my mom is turning 50 next july!!) i'm super stoked. we'll be going feb. 17. i've heard nothing but good things about the show, so i'm very excited to see it. plus i just love the theatre and it will be a blast! plus it's a sweet gift that will mean a lot to my mom and that's what i was going for. though she is already getting aggravated by how memorable i'm making her 50th, this is in a good way and she'll just have to live with it! luckily, other than that big gift, i didn't have to buy too many this year, which is good for my financial situation. by the time i'll be giving Bart his Christmas present when he gets back, i won't have to be so worried about money anymore. then i can spoil him rotten, just like usual :) i think i'm still bitter he's not letting me buy him a present...guess that'll just make it bigger and better when he does get it and it'll just bite him right in the butt that he didn't let me do it in the first place! i think my favorite part about Christmastime is giving presents. i love getting really cool, thoughtful gifts that put smiles on the faces of those who mean most to me :) *tear* i'm all Christmas spirit up in here!!! really, i am. my Christmas tree is just lovely :) it's decorated with all the most wonderful ornaments i've been receiving as gifts since i was a little little girl. and now i finally have my own tree to put them on. i even started my own personal collection with one ornament for Bart and one for myself. Bart's is a patriotic Santa, and mine is a little Brewer riding a scooter!!! very cool :)

and speaking of Bart and being happy, he makes me the happiest girl in the whole wide world!!! i love him so much and i fall more and more in love with him every single day :) continuing on with my story, recently the army stopped sucking so much, just a little bit, and we've been able to email over the past few days and for the next few days. FRICKIN SWEET!!!!! honestly, i think that everyday people who don't have to go through tough deployments don't realize that one email a day is like a frickin gift from heaven...how special and important it really is. many people take for granted the constant communication that the world of today in America provides. not me, and not ever again. i long for days with regular phone calls and calls on the way home from work, "hey honey, you need me to pick up anything on my way home?" and chatting on the couch about our days...i can't even describe how amazing it is to see an email from Bart when i wake up in the morning!! and another one today at work!!!! i feel like i might just explode with happiness and excitement!!! being able to keep in halfway decent contact is absolutely wonderful. i am embracing it for all it's worth until it's so rudely taken away from us again! every i love you means the world to me :) plus it provides just a little taste of the Bart humor and personality i miss so much and love so dearly. i can't wait to have it back every day!

today when i was walking to the oriental box office to get my wicked tickets, i passed through the little christkindl german market across the street from my building. they have some portajohns there, and all day long i could not stop laughing because this is what i saw: HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM PORTAJOHN! hahahhaahaaaaa does anyone else think that is ridiculously hilarious??!!!??? damn, i hope so because i really laughed my ass off when i saw it! associating portable toilets and that horribly strong smelling blue goo with happy holidays just seems wrong on so many levels...

so i just got the part to make my computer turn on. finally!! i was without my beloved toshiba for ONE WHOLE WEEK!!!! yeah, this girl was not a happy camper!!! i can't even believe i had to go through a weekend with no internet access. not cool at all! i have become one of those incredibly internet dependent people; i literally almost can't live without it! college has definitely made me that way. having to have a computer and having ethernet constantly at your fingertips will do that to a person. and i realize it's a little ridiculous, most people live without the internet or computers just fine, but not me, and i will freely admit it!!! it is probably the one thing that i refuse to give up, no matter how poor i am, no matter what situation i am in. unless i am in the caribbean or something, i want to be able to get on the internet!!! it's how i communicate with my friends, it's how i stay up on what's happening in the world (i refuse to watch the tv news), it's how i communicate with Bart a lot of the time, it's the damn information superhighway!! all i can say is that i am very thankful i purchased the service plan for my computer at best buy. thank you for the free replacement parts :) next time, just get them here a little quicker!!!! :)

other than that, same old same old. work is fine. getting better. i have sooooo much to learn, but i'm getting there. my boss absolutely loves me and thinks i am doing wonderfully. she has praised me a myriad of times since i started, and has told me great things like i have a good intuition for the business. that's quite the compliment coming from her, considering she has 30 years in the property management business. i think i'm in a good spot, even though it might take a year or so to get the ball rolling down the path i would like it to roll down quickly...if that made any sense. but everyone has to earn their stripes and start at the bottom to get to the top. i'm ok with that, as long as i'm getting meaningful experience in the meantime, which i am. and i'm also getting holiday presents and really swanky parties at excellent chicago locations :) sweet!

haven't heard from Bart in a while and it's making me sad. i miss him so much :( i'd do anything to have him home sooner than march. but i'd also just plain do anything for him, so waiting falls under that category. anyway, random, i know, but that's what my blog is for :) expressing my strange thoughts and feelings, most of the which are love for my baby!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!! i hope everyone had a wonderful wonderful holiday! and i hope everyone enjoys the long weekend and all the crazy shopping that will probably ensue :)

Things I am Thankful For:

Bart
my mommy
my family
Bart's family
my friends from college
my friends from home
my girls Randi and Jackie and Cheryl too
Brewer
MSU
Chicago
my great apartment
my job
the troops
the internet and satellite phones

and so much more! most of all i am thankful for the amazing people in my life who are always there for me, making me smile and always supporting me. this roller coaster wouldn't be nearly as fun without all of you! and it wouldn't be anything like what we're blessed with if it wasn't for Bart and all his various colleagues. don't forget to thank those who matter most :)

2 weeks of amazingness :) that's all i have to say :) nothing in this whole world makes me happier than Bart. i love him more than anything and i can't wait until he's home for good.

well, my friends, it is definitely true that everything happens for a reason. and right now, that reason would be to give me a wonderful opportunity for a great future and a great career in commercial real estate :) as of Thursday, October 26, 2006, i am no longer in the job market :) i am no longer a statistic of illinois unemployment :) on November 13, 2006, or possibly a few days after that, i will start employment with US Equities Realty. i will work as a property assistant at 69 W. Washington, the Cook County building, downtown Chicago. i am more excited than i can even express here on my little blog!!! the timing couldn't have been more perfect, the job certainly couldn't be any more perfect, the manager is beyond belief amazing...everything has definitely worked out!! i'm so very happy and definitely excited to start this job. it's going to be awesome experience and definitely will afford me a lot of opportunity for the future. on top of that, the company is awesome, so i know i will be happy and satisfied in my job. the pay and benefits are great too, so that's just icing on the cake. and then the sprinkles on top (if you know me you know i love sprinkles and they are the best part of anything) are that i get to spend the entire 2 weeks of Bart's leave with him :) i will start after he leaves again in november. perfect!!!! utterly perfect :) and now i am a real Chicagoan...i'll be taking the metra to work and power walking from union station to my building :) love it!!!!

finally i feel relieved and excited and in a normal place again!!! now i'm just waiting waiting waiting, as usual, for my baby :) less than 3 days now though, finally!!! i was disappointed last night to learn that there would be an extra day tacked onto the already brutal wait right now, but hey, after 8 months, it's just another day :) my Soldier will be home in a few days and it will be AMAZING!!!! i'm ecstatic now that he is out of harm's way, safe and sound, on his way home. in fact, he should be out of afghanistan by now, and that's the best news in 8 months! i should hear from him again tonight with an exact time for his arrival, and that will send me soaring no doubt :)

things are good. things are really good right now :) i feel like myself again!

ok things going on right now:

1.) My old roommates and I are being sued. SWEET!!!
2.) I'll hear tomorrow from Hostmark whether I get to come in for a last interview, kind of a trial run with a short analysis. Wish me luck!
3.) I should hear this week from CTMT whether I get a 2nd interview. Wish me luck again!
4.) I pick up my black wool winter coat from the dry cleaner on Tuesday. Yesssss!!! I love that coat!!! (I don't really love that getting it cleaned means it's winter...)
5.) I've got a massive list of cleaning and laundry type things to do this week to keep me busy, along with working out and stocking the house with homecoming goodies :)
6.) I still haven't heard from Bart. It's been about 2 weeks. I'm worried and getting paranoid, but trying to stick with the Army wife/gf mantra: no news is good news. No news is good news. No news is good news!
7.) The pumpkin that I carved this fall is quite disgusting and all rotted and moldy from sitting outside on my porch. I guess it still looks cute from far away...
8.) My baby will be home in a week!
9.) My sexy boyfriend will be home in a week!
10.) MY SOLDIER WILL BE HOME IN A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I am excited. And that is all. Pretty much nothing else in this world exists to me for the next 3 weeks other than Bart being home. Thank you and goodnight :)

well, my friends, i continue to be the happiest and luckiest girl in the entire world because my boyfriend is amazing :D he's incredible. sometimes i still can't believe that i somehow got him!! we spent pretty much the past 24 hours talking and wow, that was really something i needed. i was missing him and then i missed a call from him and then some bad stuff happened and i was worried about him, plus leave is coming up...it was sooooooooooooo good to wake up to the rooster alert :) turns out we both really needed each other, so it was perfect timing for spending a day talking. and it took up almost 2 days on this crazy countdown to leave!!! that's exciting :) i know i'll hear from him again this week, probably next week, and then while he's on his way home, so hopefully the next couple of weeks go by quickly. at some point, i'm sure the days and hours will start to creep, but they're still flowing at normal speed so far, and i'm very thankful for that!!! i can't even explain how excited i am to see Bart in less than 3 weeks. there are no words. i mean seriously, the guy made dinner reservations for us at an amazing restaurant in chicago from freakin afghanistan!!!!! how can i not be excited!!!???? it just doesn't get any better than this!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

well, i guess a job would be the one thing that would make things even better, like icing and whipped cream and ice cream on top of a nice piece of birthday cake. i had another interview this morning and it went well. i haven't heard from hostmark again about coming in for an interview, and i'm super nervous about it. very very nervous. the guy i talked to is a VP of the company and he spent most of last week out of town, so i understand if the new hire isn't his first priority early in the week, getting things back to normal and whatnot, but that just doesn't make me any less nervous. what if they never call back? what if they hired someone already? what if the CEO's nephew just decided he wanted to work there and they're not going to bother with anyone new anymore?? a million things are running through my head, but i'm trying to stay positive. i'm just more nervous now because i turned down an offer today to wait for one of these two things i have going now. i obviously really want the hostmark job, and the one i interviewed for today would be great as well. i'm just nervous because their processes are kind of strung out right now, and we all know i like knowing things rather than uncertainty, especially in this situation. the lady i interviewed with today was actually doing the interview for another manager who is out of town for 2 weeks, but wanted to have me come in right away and talk to her. so i guess he gets back on like the 20th or something, they will talk and look at my weird little test scores, then if she says good things about me and he decides that's good, i'll go in and interview with him too. on one hand, it's good because the process will take a while and i won't have to worry about starting before Bart's leave, or during it. on the other hand, it just drags it all out and makes me scared that i won't get either of these jobs and i turned down the offer that i had and then i'll be screwed. it's a vicious cycle :) just keep wishing me luck, everyone!

other than that, nothing is new. i'm just happy happy happy about my baby and happy happy happy that he'll be home in a couple weeks!!!!