i don't really think i have anything specific to write today, but for some reason, i felt like i wanted to post an update.

i've been very bored lately. i do NOT like being home. trust me, i was built to work. my brain just races and time just slows to almost a stop when i am forced to sit home by myself. i hate it. so i spend at least 4 or 5, if not more, hours on the computer a day, searching, probing, attacking the internet for possibilities. so far, it's been ok for me. in just 2 weeks, i've gotten 2 interviews. not much other than that, but i've slacked off a little bit this week, and next week i'll be trying a new avenue, so hopefully i'll get some more stuff set up that way.

anyway, the interview i had this week went really well, almost too well in fact, because i found myself in a position of being the top candidate for a job that would make me take over a $10,000 pay cut. yeah, no joke, that's big. it's a cool job, involves travel to the tropics, fun stuff, busy, etc etc etc, but i couldn't come to terms with taking that big of a pay cut. money is certainly not the only thing i'm going to take a job for, i am very very big on job satisfaction. however, i know what i'm worth, and it's not upper $20s, especially after i was making over $40k with bonus potential in my last job. i just couldn't in all good conscience take that job and live with myself. in addition to that, it was a very stressful week because the lady needed the person hired to start on monday. so i had to go over every pro and every con in a very short period of time, run it by everyone meaningful i knew, and try to come up with a yes or no for myself. as i leaned more toward no, i went into my second interview being very very honest with this woman. as such, i think she made the offer to the other person, and i'm fine with it because it takes the stress off of me having to turn down an offer. overall, the whole thing gave me just a pinch more confidence that after only 2 weeks, i could pretty much get an offer. i'm going to be ok.

the next interview i have is october 2 for a hospitality management group. not like traditional managers, like finance managers, deal managers, etc. it's a position for a business development analyst, which is basically the exact same position that i got an offer for back in the day earlier this year from Rockbridge Capital down in columbus, OH. it's better because this company is a bigger company, plus it's local, and i know that there are MSU SHB alums there, which kind of gives me a little advantage. it's stressful because obviously i turned down this last job to kind of do myself and my search a little more justice, but nothing is for sure. i'm pretty confident that since i got an offer for the same type of job before, i have a good chance at this one, but every person is different and they will have a different opinion of me. so i'm a little scared, but i'm excited for the interview and i'm hoping that things go well. the bonus that really does make me want it is that it's in the same field as my main interest, real estate development, plus the financial analyst background would be so perfect for such a broad array of things if i want to make a career change in the future. and it also doesn't hurt that the position starts at $45k, which is actually more than i was making before. so everybody pray for me and this job, because i want it!

i'm not quite nervous yet because it has only been a couple weeks and the average job search takes 12.5 weeks. however, i'm a total worry wart and this is tough and crazy and it's a cruel world out there!!! i'm pretty terrified that i won't get this job and then i'll have no other interviews and nothing good set up and it'll be Christmas and i won't have anything. and then i'll either be really sorry i didn't take this first job, or i'll end up taking something stupid and low paying as a filler job just to make money and keep up the search in the meantime. i hope that doesn't happen, people tell me that it won't and that i'm intelligent and bright and talented and i'll get something great soon. i sure hope they're right because i don't know what i will do if things don't work out soon.

the major blessing in disguise in this whole episode is that i'll probably get to spend the entire 2 weeks of Bart's leave with him :D *BIG SMILE* i'm so incredibly excited i think i'm going to piss my pants about every 5 minutes!!!!! after 7 fucking months of agony being away from the man i love, we'll finally get to see each other again!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!! it's going to be AMAZING and it'll just be so much more amazing if i can spend all of the time with him and not have to work. it's looking that way, even if i do get this next job. since the interview isn't until the 2nd, that means they probably have a few days that week, then they'll call for 2nd interviews the next week, maybe take some time to decide, then make offers, then negotiate. so, i have basically decided that WHEN i get that offer, my main negotiation will be to start in november, not right away. if they are able to wait for a person to fill this position for a few weeks, they're probably able to wait a few more weeks. i've got it all worked out :) and the BEST thing that i'm looking forward to the most about Bart being home is picking him up at the airport. i can't even explain how exciting that is to me!!!! i can't wait to see him walk out and to just throw my arms around his neck and drop everything and hug him and kiss him...it might just be the happiest moment of my life so far!!!!! and i get to be the very first person he sees. that's exciting too :) i still can't believe it's only a month away!!!! after all this damn time, it's only a month away!!! it almost doesn't seem real. but, it is real. it is very real :)

and speaking of it being real, so is my jiggly ass and thighs. which means it's time to go and work out. i got a new workout dvd and new weights and a stability ball, and WOW, it's definitely a workout!!!! if i do this freakin crazy thing every day for the next month, i'll look like heidi klum by the time Bart gets home!!!! errrr...probably not, but at least i'll be back to normal, not chubby, me :)

last but not least, fuck notre dame, you suck balls, GO STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

something happened this week that flipped my world upside down. i wasn't expecting it, and i'm still a little bit in shock. it's one of those life experiences that you take and learn from and become a better person because of. eventually, anyway. but for right now, i can't get past the fact that i'm sad and upset over the loss of something i've wanted so badly for a year now. something i have loved so dearly has been very abruptly taken away from me. it's disappointing, very disappointing, but i have to move on. i have to pick up the pieces and be strong and move on. and trust me, i'm a pro at that. but it's just more difficult this time because it's serious. the decisions i make over the next few weeks or maybe a couple months will not only affect me personally, but they will affect Bart too. and it's awfully hard to make big decisions without being able to discuss them with your other half! so things are tough, but i'll get through them. if i'm not being completely open about this, which i know is very strange for me because generally i'm extremely open with everything about my life, i'm sorry. it's too soon and too difficult for me to talk about right now. i don't want fake sympathy from people who say they understand. i don't want any of that. when i'm ready, and when things turn around, i'll let it all out and all the people closest to me will be the first to know. just bear with me if i'm a little weird for the next few weeks.

so just as a little word of advice, don't get complacent in your life. be on your guard and be prepared for the biggest shock of your life to happen tomorrow. don't take anything for granted, and don't think it can't happen to you, no matter how much you don't deserve it. but in the end, i guess life wouldn't be as exciting without its disappointments and challenges.

i'm starting to realize that i can finally get excited about Bart coming home soon. in a little more than a month, he'll be home and in my arms. and in my bed :) i just looked at the calendar today and really realized that in 2 days it will be september, which means it's only one month until october, which is the month he's coming home. after so long, i almost can't believe it!!! it's been so far out of reach for so long, it hardly feels real that i can start to count down in weeks and not months!!! no exact dates yet, so i can't start an actual countdown, but i'm guessing somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 weeks. holy crap!!! i'm so ecstatic out of my mind, i don't even know what to do with myself!!! i can't wait to see my baby! it's going to be so amazing!! i can't help but smile just thinking about it :)

well, if i knew i was the only person reading this, i would probably just keep babbling on about how much i love and miss Bart. but i'll spare the couple of you who check this sometimes from that monotony, because if you know me at all, you already have to hear me talk about it enough! haha. what can i say? i love my man!!! he's my world :) <-- see! there i go again!!! i'm still on a little high from talking to him on the phone a couple nights ago :) that was awesome.

anyway, i'm coming up on my 3 month anniversary at Centex. i still love every day at work and i'm still learning a ton and really enjoying myself and my job. it's a great thing! i'm definitely very lucky to be where i'm at, especially given the current market. i chose the right company to be with, that's for sure. my training is going really well. texas was super fun, just super fucking hot and very...texas. if anyone says y'all to me ever again, i might slap them. but the other "bootcampers," as we are called, are all great. we got to know each other over the course of 2 weeks and now we all have friends cross country :) i think that's a definite perk of the program. highlights for me are that i can now go visit denver or sarasota at any time and have a place to stay and some fun MI boys to party with. built in little minivacations for me and Bart :) anyway, i am now spending time back at home preparing for the next leg of my training, which is in minneapolis in september. it's been a lot of work, and a lot of work in front of the computer, which i am not a fan of. i don't like sitting at a desk, and that's the main reason i chose to become a field manager, key word FIELD!!! ha. well, only a couple more weeks of online training type of stuff and i'm back in the field even more than before. i'm looking forward to that :) i'm really looking forward to being able to use all of the things i'm learning in this training in my job in my home division. i think it'll make me a top field manager. just give me about a year and then ask me where i'm at :)

on another note, i'm very excited to see my friends this weekend for charlie's wedding!!! it's going to be so much fun!!! i can't wait :) i'm mostly excited to wear my new dress though, it's one of the best parts of the whole weekend! i love it! and i'm also very excited to see Bart's dad and that side of the family on sunday and monday. that might actually even be more exciting than the wedding. i love Bart's dad. he's so much fun to spend time with. i really miss him! i've been seeing Bart's mom and that family a lot, and i feel like i'm not evening out my time. it'll definitely be good to get up to port huron. i miss Ciara too. that girl is such a doll. i'm excited to spend some time with her too. and overall, i'm excited that i don't have to drive for the whole weekend!!!!!!! sucks to be Joshy!

well, i'm tired. i've been a little under the weather the past few days and i need to get some rest. gotta make sure i'm all set to get crazy this weekend :) hope you all enjoyed that neat little update on the life of Kourtney!

i'm FINALLY home from Texas and all i can say is that i have NEVER been so happy to see rain before in all my life!!!! YAY MIDWEST!!!!! :)

Ellen: I feel like I'm not smoking enough...But I feel really high...
Mom: Yeah, me too.
Ellen: So which is right?

Well, if that's not the biggest stoner comment in the entire world, I challenge you to come up with a better one! :)

i guess i'll do a little better job of updating this little thing. it seems that people do actually read it, though they rudely decide not to comment at all :) i'm not sure i have too much to say, but i just felt like babbling a little bit.

the fishing trip was a total blast. it was a beautiful day to be off work and out on the lake. we started the day chillin in a park by the harbor and then took off on the boats about noon. i ended up with my area manager, Steve, my recruiter, Jim, and a couple other field managers. it was really fun. we told a lot of jokes and talked philosophy a little bit and enjoyed the sun and some sandwiches. we each caught a fish and i caught the biggest one on our boat!!! it was a hefty little salmon :) and now he's all hacked up in my freezer, ready for me to eat!!! i was pretty excited i ended up with so much fish because i love it so much. so after we got back around 5 off the water, everyone else was sufficiently drunk and we watched the swim in the weeds and act like wieners for a while. then a few of us went to dinner at Joe's Crab Shack. that place is freakin awesome!!! i will definitely be frequenting that restaurant very often because i love seafood so much and that's pretty much all they have!!! i want to try everything on the menu!!! so after a nice dinner, Steve took me home and i put aloe on my sunburned back, which is quite a production when you live alone, and went to bed. a whole day in the sun like that wipes you out!!! what a great day though. i'm so lucky to work for Centex!!!

for the rest of the weekend i pretty much stayed inside my air conditioned apartment and watched tv or slept. i took a lot of naps this weekend to catch up on sleep and played with Brewer and just did nothing. i definitely needed that weekend though because the next couple of months are going to be crazy busy. right now i'm preparing for my big trip to dallas on sunday for two weeks, and i'm starting to get nervous that i'm going to forget stuff or miss a flight or whatever. i'm sure everything will be fine, but all of a sudden it has snuck up on me really quickly and i'm freaking out that i won't have time to get everything in order by friday. i'm going home to see my parents this weekend, and i'll be leaving on sunday right after driving all the way back to illinois, so i have to make sure that everything's all packed up and ready to go for both trips and everything. it's just one of those things that's like i haven't done it before and i'm not exactly sure what i need, but i know i need to be on top of my shit or i'm going to be lost, so of course i'm worried. see? it even makes me babble in run on sentences!!! oh well, i'm sure everything will be fine. i think i'm just going to start making piles and packing tomorrow. i'll start lists too. i live by lists. that will help :) i'm sure after the trip to dallas i'll feel a lot better about the ones to minneapolis and vegas too. this one is just longer, so i need to make sure that i have anything i could possibly need.

man, i'll be so lonely!!! i'm used to having Brewer and constant internet. i'm not sure if my hotel has internet access, but i'm sure hoping that it does. if it doesn't, will you people promise to give me a call once in a while over the next 2 weeks so i don't die of loneliness and boredom??? thank you :) oh, and also...does anyone want to cat sit for a week in september or october? i don't know what i'm going to do with my kittypants yet... :( and i sure don't want to be without him, but he can't come along and he can't stay home alone.

and with that i think i'm going to sign off for tonight. maybe i'll go play with Brewer a little bit. i still have to write Bart for today. maybe if i'm lucky i'll hear from him actually. it's coming up on that time...but i probably shouldn't get my hopes up too much. you never know with the whole war thing going on. i miss him :( oh, and also, i hate the post office because they suck balls at delivering mail.

thank you, and good night.

well, the past couple weeks have been a whirlwind, like usual. it seems to be the pattern of my life for the past couple of months. but i'm ok with that as long as it keeps the time passing quickly!

first of all, i heard from my soldier 4 times last week!!! that's right, count em, FOUR TIMES!!!! once online and 3 times on the phone!!! i nearly peed myself, but i thought that might be a little inappropriate, so i just used the toilet instead. but i was just about that excited!!!! i hadn't heard Bart's voice in 2 months and i cannot explain how horrible that really is. for anyone who has a significant other in their life, just realistically try to imagine it. don't be funny about it like haha i would be happy to not hear from them! trust me, no you wouldn't. not if you love them for real. it was horrible. i mean, we talked online, but it's just not the same. i got to actually hear him say, "i love you, baby," and i got to say it to him. that was the most amazing thing in the whole wide world for me :) luckily it should be happening a little more frequently now, so that will be just great. i'm not going to go into great detail about what we talked about or anything, but i'll just say that we're still planning on moving in together, no one will be able to contact us for about the first month he is home, everyone is welcome to visit once we buy our house, and we're going to adopt a puppy from a shelter :) and also, he's alright but it's not so good over there. so please keep Bart and all of his guys in your thoughs and prayers. thanks :)

next on the agenda is my boss' pool party at his house. wow, what a freakin good time!!! first of all, Steve is so cool and so much fun, such a great boss! so he was bound to throw a great party!! his house is amazingggg too. i couldn't even believe it. he actually drew it when he was in high school and got to build his dream home himself, so that was really cool. his pool is just awesome. it was so nice and warm and pretty you just never wanted to get out!!! so basically, we stayed out there all night!!! then we karaoked :) he has an awesome karaoke setup in his game room in the loft and we all sang and sang and sang our drunk asses off for the rest of the night!!! it was so much fun!!! the people i work with are just so much fun because we can all have a blast at work, but boy we can take it to the limit when we're off work!!! this party was really fun too because all of the wives and girlfriends were there so i got to hang out with girls :) Steve's wife is so funny and really nice and i just adore Eli's girlfriend, Emily. she's such a total sweetheart and a goofball! she's a blast to hang out with. and of course Mike's wife Beth is great too. these Centex people are just a wonderful bunch!!! i'm very thankful for where i'm at and who i get to see on a daily basis :)

at work i'm getting hot and heavy into my pre-prep for my training starting in a couple of weeks. i have a whole bunch of assignments and tests and things to do before i even go to the training in dallas. i have a lot of actual book studying to do, in addition to spending time with our contractors on the job seeing what they do. it's a lot to do, but i'm totally up for it. i'm already learning a lot and i can't wait to learn even more!!! i'm like a little sponge!!!! i can't believe i only have one week left before i go to dallas for 2 weeks. that is just craziness!!! before i know it, august will be all gone and there will only be one month until Bart comes home!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

last but not least by any means, is the Sox game yesterday. wow. i really don't even have a good enough adjective to describe that ridiculousness!!! our carpenter contractor took us to the White Sox game yesterday at 1, so not only did we miss work from like 1030 until the end of the day, but we spent the entire afternoon and night getting schnockered. the game was fine, it was baseball, it was boring. and also, the sox lost. who cares about that part??? the after game tailgating was the better part, and by that time, whoa, everyone was waaaaaasted!!! then we went to dinner at this completely amazing restaurant downtown. that was possbily the funniest part of the entire day because we were all a) trashed, b) in shorts and tennis shoes and shit like that when everyone else in the restaurant was literally in a suit c) loud and totally obnoxious d) swearing up a storm and talking about dirty things...the list goes on. the food was delicious though, possibly because it was incredibly expensive. definitely made it really cool that we were there for free! it was a fundinner though, and apparently, it was even my birthday!! my drunkass friends decided that it should be, so i got some free tiramisu and the entire restaurant stared at us while the boys sang happy birthday at the top of their lungs. haha. like i said, ridiculousness!! and then, we all had to endure the maniacal driving skills of Charlie on the way home. wonderful. i think i was more scared for poor Patrick, who decided that it would be a good idea to lay down in the bed of the truck the entire way home from downtown all the way out to Aurora!!!! yeah, he was much too wasted to even feel a thing. haha. i actually decided to stop drinking after one weak drink at dinner, so i had a good 3 hours without drinking to sober up before any driving or anything, so i was good. but wow, those boys never cease to amaze me with how much they can party! although they were all hurtin pretttttyyyy bad today at work.

and we're gonna do it all again tomorrow!!! ilovemyjobilovemyjobilovemyjob... but really, all i care about for tomorrow is that i catch a nice big fish so i can take it home and eat it!!! i don't think i'll really be in the mood to drink a whole lot since it'll be almost 100 degrees outside and i'll be on a boat on lake michigan. i'm not exactly sure if that will agree with my tummy. so i'll probably have a couple and mostly hold off and drink agua. sometimes it's more fun to observe the drunkies :)

well, i do believe that catches up the latest events in the life of Kourtney. i know, it's not really that exciting, but parts are funny at least :) and i'm content with everything. well, with the exception, of course, of Bart being gone. i want him so bad i can hardly stand it! i just have to be patient. what's to come is more than worth the wait :)

again, it's been too long since i have updated. oh well. sorry to any loyal readers out there. let's see, lots of things have been going on since i last wrote.

i spent 4th of july up at some family friends' house. it was pretty fun. just my mom, ellen, steve, peggy, and my uncle bill. and of course peanut the most ridiculous dog ever. they actually had to give her a zanax to drug her to calm her down because she barks like a fucking crazeball when fireworks go off. but that was definitely fun. and i got about a day and a half off between the actual 4th off and no one working on the 3rd, so that was sweet.

then the next weekend i got to talk to my baby for almost a whole day :D i just about died!!! it was one of those super surreal things where i thought i was in a dream. i had gone to bed about midnight on friday night, and when the aim alert went off i thought i was still sleeping!! needless to say, i totally flipped out, sprang out of bed and onto the computer, and spent the entire night and next day talking to him on and off :) it was totally amazing!!!! and it's really amazing what it does for us both. we miss each other so much and when we finally get to talk for a while, it just makes everything in the world right again, like my heart starts beating again. so yeah, good news and bad news from him, but in general, all is well. it sounds like i'll be hearing from him on a much more regular basis and that's the best thing in the world :) oh and also, there was a mention of engagement rings :D haha.

i went to Dana's wedding this weekend and it was a freakin blast. Dana is the daughter of one of my mom's really good friends who she actually grew up with and went to high school with and still hangs out with. through him and all of the other neighborhood kids, i know all of these crazy people who are pretty much my family and very close family friends, so it's always a blast at get togethers like weddings and camping and stuff. the ceremony was very sweet and cute and simple and also short, which was good because it was about 95 outside in the beating down sun. and the reception was ridiculously fun. i got wasted and danced the night away haha. i definitely drank my fair share of quality Wisconsin beer and boogied the night away :) the only negative part of the night was that my ex, Nick, was a total fucking freak weirdo douchebag to me the whole night, and that just annoyed and upset me. we'll see each other forever at shit like this, so i wanted to be able to be friends with him, but i just don't think that will be able to happen now. not sure if it was the new girlfriend or him, but whatever, either way, it was disappointing. however, the cake was not disappointing, and the baked potato skin thingies were really good!!!! man it was fun :) and of course i got to be the little girly girl who gets all happy about the bride and groom and their day and has all the wishful thoughts about her own wedding day someday :) i can't wait! plus i ended up crashing at my uncle bill's house and that was really fun. i don't get to see him too much, so it was cool to spend some time with him and his fiancee.

so work still kicks ass! i just got my own building today and that's frickin sweet. basically i am now in total control of the construction of 4 townhomes. i control the schedule, the inspections, the trades, whether they get paid or not, contacting the homeowners, etc etc etc. it's awesome. i now have actual responsibility, with which comes some kick ass potential bonuses! as soon as the homes close i get the bonuses for all four homes. yay!!! and i also found out that i get to go on a kick ass training program. i was the only person chosen from the entire illinois division to go to "field manager boot camp." i'm so excited!!! i'll spend the second two weeks of august in dallas, tx, training. i'll have classroom training and field training. then i'll come back for a couple weeks and spend the second week of september doing the same thing in minneapolis, mn, then i'll come back again for a couple weeks. then to top it all off i will spend the last week of training and then graduate from the program the first week of october in LAS VEGAS, NV!!!!!! all expenses paid for all of the traveling by Centex Homes!!! i can't wait!!!! i still can't believe they chose me, but it definitely means that they see a lot of potential for a good field manager and they definitely want to keep me around. and with how the market is down right now, it's very good to know that i have absolute job security. the best part about the whole program is that it will take up the next 3 months until Bart gets home on leave :D it will definitely help the time go faster and that is a big selling point...not to mention how i will be automatically promoted and get a raise when i'm done with the training :)

well, i think that just about covers the past couple of weeks. things are definitely good for me. i'm a lucky lady :) now if i could have a fast forward button...

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well, i suppose it's time to update again. sorry i suck, but it looks like no one has been paying attention anyway :)

i'm on my second week of work at Centex Homes and i'm pretty much obsessed with it :) i love every minute!!!! seriously, i have the best job in the whole world. i am one of those incredibly lucky people who have a job that is totally fun, they totally love, they are totally passionate about, and they can't wait to get up to go to work in the morning!! and i am really not a morning person!!! but i do love this and when the weekend came around last week i was like shit, already?? but i wanna come back tomorrow!!!! i know it sounds super lame, but it's true!!! i'm so happy!!! the job is good, i know i will really like it when i am fully trained. eventually once i learn everything that i will be doing like the back of my hand, i will have a ton of autonomy and independence in my job, which is really cool. not many jobs allow for that. basically the homes that i have are MY homes. it's my little business and i work for myself. i'm pretty excited about that :) and also, the people i work with are amazing. these guys are awesome at their jobs and they are a hilariously fun and entertaining bunch. the best part is that they weren't weird with me at all being a chick in the construction trailer or anything. i pretty much laid down the law that there are no lines with me, i probably swear more than they do, i won't ever get offended, and the only thing that will piss me off is if they start making small penis jokes. they've already invited me out to the bar and stuff like that, so i've made some friends and things are great :)

let's see, now that work has started i'm just busy and tired. every day after work i feel like i'm going to die. not because it's hard labor or anything, but because i'm not on a good sleep schedule yet. i can't fall asleep before like 12 or 1 and i get up at like 6, so i need to fix that. i'm sure after this week or pretty soon my body clock will reset itself to my new schedule. hopefully at least. in the meantime, thank goodness for coffee.

other than work, i'm still kind of exploring the area and whatnot. i took a trip downtown on the train for the Memorial Day parade and that was awesome. it was a beautiful day and i love Chicago. i had a fun time doing that. friday night i went out with a friend from work and his wife to Payton's Roundhouse in downtown Aurora to see his cousin's band play. they were freaking sweet. i would definitely see them again. sometimes local bands are just ok or kind of lame, but they were actually pretty good. and this restaurant was fucking sweet. it's a big circular building and in the middle is a big courtyard with a beer garden and a couple bars and fireplaces and stuff. it was sweet. and of course i've been doing some shopping for work clothes. luckily i have only had to buy khakis and new shoes and Centex provides the shirts. what a kick ass work uniform :)

and as usual, i miss Bart like i can't even explain. i hate him being gone and i wish he could come home right this minute. i also hate the situation we are in right now of not being able to communicate AT ALL for a very long time. fucking Army. ugh. i think about him all the time and i can't wait for leave and for the day he comes home for good. i've already got closet and furniture space all planned out :) haha.

alright, time for me to do some training and get to bed early. division meeting tomorrow up in hoffman estates. boooooo that's like an hour drive for me and i have to be there at 730am. the good news is that it will take up more than half the work day, i get free breakfast, and we probably won't do much of anything after we get back :) again, I LOVE CENTEX HOMES!!!!