something happened this week that flipped my world upside down. i wasn't expecting it, and i'm still a little bit in shock. it's one of those life experiences that you take and learn from and become a better person because of. eventually, anyway. but for right now, i can't get past the fact that i'm sad and upset over the loss of something i've wanted so badly for a year now. something i have loved so dearly has been very abruptly taken away from me. it's disappointing, very disappointing, but i have to move on. i have to pick up the pieces and be strong and move on. and trust me, i'm a pro at that. but it's just more difficult this time because it's serious. the decisions i make over the next few weeks or maybe a couple months will not only affect me personally, but they will affect Bart too. and it's awfully hard to make big decisions without being able to discuss them with your other half! so things are tough, but i'll get through them. if i'm not being completely open about this, which i know is very strange for me because generally i'm extremely open with everything about my life, i'm sorry. it's too soon and too difficult for me to talk about right now. i don't want fake sympathy from people who say they understand. i don't want any of that. when i'm ready, and when things turn around, i'll let it all out and all the people closest to me will be the first to know. just bear with me if i'm a little weird for the next few weeks.

so just as a little word of advice, don't get complacent in your life. be on your guard and be prepared for the biggest shock of your life to happen tomorrow. don't take anything for granted, and don't think it can't happen to you, no matter how much you don't deserve it. but in the end, i guess life wouldn't be as exciting without its disappointments and challenges.