this morning i woke up and saw a beautiful day out my window. sunny, sparkles glinting on the morning frost. and then i stepped outside, frigid cold biting at my skin. as i start my day, i can't help but think that it presents somewhat of a metaphor for my life: sunny when you look at it, but cold once you get inside it.

all i can feel is cold and numbness.

so funniest thing this morning on the radio. usually i listen to Bob & Tom, whom i absolutely adore and make me laugh my ass off. well they were on commercial, so i was flipping through local morning shows. this girl was doing the news on 95.9 the river, my favorite classic rock station :), and she did a story that went a little like this:

"The Bachelor Rome, Lorenzo Borghese, has split with his chosen bachelorette, Jennifer Wilson. No word on what has caused the split, or whether they'll keep making that stupid show."

HAHHAHAA!!! seriously, anyone? anyone?? i laughed my frickin ass off at that!! i'm guessing the dude sitting in the car next to mine probably looked over and was like wow, what's with that chick? but whatever, i like a little humor in the morning :) haha. i don't know, it may have been because the girl's delivery was just perfect, totally dry and unexpected. either way, love it.

and also, love Bart :D

so funniest thing this morning on the radio. usually i listen to Bob & Tom, whom i absolutely adore and make me laugh my ass off. well they were on commercial, so i was flipping through local morning shows. this girl was doing the news on 95.9 the river, my favorite classic rock station :), and she did a story that went a little like this:

"The Bachelor Rome, Lorenzo Borghese, has split with his chosen bachelorette, Jennifer Wilson. No word on what has caused the split, or whether they'll keep making that stupid show."

HAHHAHAA!!! seriously, anyone? anyone?? i laughed my frickin ass off at that!! i'm guessing the dude sitting in the car next to mine probably looked over and was like wow, what's with that chick? but whatever, i like a little humor in the morning :) haha. i don't know, it may have been because the girl's delivery was just perfect, totally dry and unexpected. either way, love it.

and also, love Bart :D

so i got on the train today and there was this guy that doesn't usually ride in the car i ride in every day. he was like all flustered when he finally sat down and i was like jeez, buddy, relax. i had already been reading my book for like 5 minutes. so i noticed right away when i looked up when he sat down that he was looking straight at me. i hate it when people do that, it's totally weird. i mean it's one thing if you're just looking around and you catch eyes with someone else just looking around too, but when you catch someone staring at you, it's weird. and this guy was definitely staring at me. so on the train i always just read my book the entire 45 minutes, and i could just feel this guy's eyes burning into me the whole time. i could literally see him staring at me the entire time in my peripheral vision over my book. why, i do not know. he was completely creepy. weird creepy staring guy on the train. i brushed it off and laughed about it until Bart's mom got me all worried about him being a stalker or something...i sure hope he isn't there again tomorrow.

on a lighter note, literally, it was light out when i got out of work today!!!!!!!! that is EXCELLENT!!!! spring is coming :) well...not really that soon seeing as i'm still wearing long underwear under my work clothes, but still, it's getting lighter out and that is awesome :)

and also, i had a few little revelations today:
1) I MISS BART

wait...that's all.

guseac25 (6:25:27 PM): I just downloaded the N'SYNC Greatest Hits Album to my Ipod! Did you even know there was a N'SYNC Greatest Hits Album?!? Can you just imagine the hours of listening pleasure?!?

is it bad that i actually got really excited about this revelation and actually did imagine the hours of listening pleasure? eeeeek...

i've written 2 blog posts in the last 2 days, but i haven't posted either of them. (obviously.) i can't seem to get my thoughts together coherently and confidently enough to relay them to anyone outside of my head. here are some of the main things i can come up with, without surrounding context:

a) i am terrified, scared out of my mind
b) i'm stuck
c) i think i need to make changes
d) i haven't lived up to anyone's expectations, including my own
e) i'm alone
f) i feel like i'm losing everything

i think i need some help.

it was sooooooooooo windy today...in the Windy City. go figure.

happy new year, i can't sleep. poop.

well for once, the people who almost never come through came through. i guess if you have a little faith in the goodness of people, sometimes it works out. now we just have to have faith in the goodness of airlines...which could be a problem...but i don't really think so. everything will work out and a week from now, the world will be right.

in the meantime, i really need to clean my sty of an apartment. and my cat really needs to quit puking everywhere. no more milk for him!

today i found one of the best things i've found on the internet in a long time. a prize gem for a girl like me. it's the blog of a Soldier deployed to iraq who likes to call himself the last of the liberal soldier. it was incredibly slow today at work, and i somehow stumbled across his page in the midst of fumbling around through various news stories and photos. http://halfjack.typepad.com/halfjackcom/ i would HIGHLY highly recommend checking it out if you have any small interest whatsoever in politics, the war, our peers, soldiers, the army, the media, shit, just life in general. i absolutely love regular people who have a great talent for writing about the life that is so regular for them and so alien to most of us. Bart is most definitely at the top of that category of people, though he has neglected his blog quite a bit more on his afghanistan deployment than his time spent in iraq. if he was actually able to blog in afghanistan, the reasons why he can't now would show through. anyway, this guy is also a very talented amateur photographer with a real knack for manipulating his photos to show what he was really trying to capture when he took them. the link to his flickr photo page is on the blog. i also suggest checking that out. i have a strange feeling that spencer batchelder is going to become one of the many iraq war bloggers who publishes a book a little later.

and following in the footsteps of the cold, slow, sad feeling i get from reading about soldiers in combat, i received Bart's battallion's newsletter today. i ball my eyes out every single time i read it. every time, never fails. i am so incredibly proud of all of their accomplishments...these men are absolutely extraordinary in every way. put whatever bitter feelings aside about the politics and whatever else surrounding these wars...these men are risking their lives every second of the day for a year to truly help a country get onto its feet and to ultimately try their hardest to protect our own country and the rest of the west from any further distruction. yes they may have signed on the dotted line, but they believe in their cause and they're fighting for all the right reasons. it blows my mind every time i think about it. which is probably why it brings tears to my eyes. they're tears of pride and joy for the love of my life, tears of sadness for those we have lost, tears of anger at the fact these young men with families and babies and friends and mothers and fathers have to go through hell, tears of excitement and happiness at the thought they are almost ready to come home...among many other mixed emotions. i can say with confidence that i have learned and grown a lot this year because of Bart and his deployment and all the various things that go along with it. i will forever be a better, smarter, and stronger person because of it. and i never want to go through it again.