i look back at that last blog, which was almost 3 months ago, and i kind of just chuckle to myself :) there is most definitely a lot that has changed since then...as is to be expected, of course. perhaps i shall use a list:

1.) I'm moving to St. Louis, MO, in 5 days. I couldn't be more excited!!! I'm going to be working with Construction on projects at Lumiere Place and hopefully getting very involved with River City's initial stages. I know I'll be working with good people and it will be great for my career development.
2.) That being said, it's horribly bittersweet and quite sad to be leaving Belterra. I have made the most amazing friends and become a part of the team here, so it's going to be very difficult for me to leave those relationships. If I could work here forever, I probably would, but I also realize I need to do what is best for my career right now and it's ok to make a change. It's still going to be so hard to leave my BFF Charlie and Mary and Doug and my Bell and Valet guys and gals and all of the awesome directors and especially my amazing amazing director, boss, and professional mentor, Tony B. *sniff sniff*
3.) The reason I was so happy in that last post has gone away, haha. But that's ok, it definitely gave me a really great story :) I've learned a lot about dating and relationships and men here at Belterra, that's for sure. And I'm ready to move on and move away from it all.
4.) I have something really wonderful that makes me incredibly happy waiting for me in St. Louis and I really can't wait to see what happens with it :) Something so refreshing is in the air :)
5.) My cat has a new nickname: Brewer the Explorer!

And really, that's pretty much all. There is actually really a lot going on for me right now. I'm ending my time at Belterra, which is so sad, but I'm beginning something new in St. Louis. I'll miss Haley and Cyrus and Tyler and Erik absolutely to death, but I've got new friends waiting for me in St. Louis. I hate moving, but hopefully it'll be the last time for a while. I'm sad to leave my old boss, but I'll gain more good networking relationships. Things are good with family after a rough spot with that, and things are looking up for the romance department, after some very rough spots with that!

Lastly, I bought my very first, my very own, most wonderful and gorgeous and perfect brand new car!!! My beautiful and sexxxxxy 2008 Honda Accord Coupe!!!!! Life is GOOD!!!!! Smiles all around :D

ohhhhhhhhhh boy happy again :) like really happy. happy. happy. yay :)

life is good again in kentuckiana :) well...not that it was ever bad, it just hit a little rough spot and now it's even more awesome!!!!

alright, all i want is for someone to feel this way about me:

Stephen Speaks, "Out of My League"

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
coz she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise
coz i love her with all that i am and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's been a rocky few weeks, but i'm getting through it. i know that i'll survive, and so will my heart, despite how much i sometimes think we both will die! *sigh* i'm just so emotional and attached when it comes to boys...

on the bright side, work is still really great.

and on the sad, dark, and a little bit laughable side, the scort has died for the first time ever :( tear!

alright let's see, quick recap:

1) work still rocks, love it to death. i work long, long hours, but i like it and it doesn't even seem that way.
2) still think i should've skipped college and just become a valet.
3) love Belterra. love kentuckiana. love the phrase/name "kentuckiana."
4) love boys from SE indiana and their ridiculously cute accents, love of hot cars, and little winks at just the right times.
5) love miss Haley, everything about her. so glad i got placed here with her. not sure what i would have done without her. haven't had this much fun in a long long long time!!! i feel like i've met a total best girlfriend for life :) i just hope we don't get split up!
6) i miss my mommy. and even my pops. and definitely my niece and nephew. they're going to be so big when i see them next...
7) we're having a halloween party at our new house on the 27th and everyone should definitely road trip and come. it will be a blast, nothing less. haley and i will be sexxxxxy and we will have excellent food and booze :)
8) thinking of using my 3 days of PTO to go to florida this fall, possibly with Haley. that would be awesome.
9) i need a haircut, badly. good thing i'm going up to chicago for the weekend to get stuff from my storage unit. kinda don't want to drive, but oh well. gotta do it sometime and this weekend is good because Tell is busy with the UFC fight. even though that would be super fun to go to too :)
10) finally, i can end. bottom line: LIFE IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!

oh lordy...lots going on...loooottttttsssss going on. i feel a big blog coming on. not quite yet...but soon.

so. new development in the life of kourtney. and oooooooooooohhh it's juicy!!! and it makes me HAPPY!!! more to come, but for now i can just say that i looooooovvveeeeeeeee corvettes!!!!!!!!

:D :D :D :D

so ummm weirdest thing ever:

i go to bed last night, obviously in pajamas. pajama pants and a long sleeved tshirt. i wake up this morning with no shirt on.

yeah, i told you it was weird.

soooooooooo work is going incredibly well, as always. our retail shops will open on friday, which is hugely exciting. a big load off our shoulders, freeing up a lot of time and manpower to return attention to daily facilities ops. there will still be a lot to do because there are many unfinished corners, but for the most part, we can wash our hands of the major stuff. and then our new revolving door should be ready in a week or two also, which is very cool! it's one of those gigantic ones that moves by itself and stuff. soooooo vegas :)

*vegas style. indiana address.*

Belterra rules! ;) looking forward very much to finally starting my 15th floor remodel project after labor day! it's really exciting for me to be designated as the project manager for this. i'm nervous...anxious...but more than anything, just completely stoked!!! everything about this job just makes me happy. all the things i get to be a part of and just about every person i meet is amazing and contributes to the overall experience.

last weekend was super fun with the boys here. haley's bf is very cool. (so is mine.) we had a great time all weekend double dating and doing fun stuff. swiss wine festival = superb! had a great time on rides, laughing my ass off, and also stuffing my face with amazing fair food. i <3 fair food!!! aaaaaaaaaand we even got caricatures as couples. awesome. saturday night we went to a cincinnati reds game, which was really a great time. cool stadium (though nowhere near as amazingly wonderful as miller park), great seats, good game...overall a very fun night together :) it was a lovely weekend that i certainly didn't want to end. but unfortunately, it did, because we are all adults and have to work. bummer. at least evan showed up thursday night :)

looking forward to this weekend too. i know i am going to be absolutely blown away and so giddy all weekend, but hey, that's what vacations to new places are for :) plus it'll be awesome because it's with my man and those trips are the best!!! we are even going to be that ridiculously adorable/annoying cute couple traveling together in the airport :) hahaha. love it! i'm completely emptying out my camera's memory card, so expect about 500 new pictures on my flickr site sometime next week. i swear, i am such a japanese tourist when it comes to taking photos. oh well, at least i'll fit in in DC over labor day weekend! ha!

other than work and stuff on the weekends, i guess i don't really have too much else to say. trying to figure out what to do in september, how to plan my weekends. sounds like the weekend after labor day i'll be here because i have more reds tickets friday night. hopefully the next weekend i can get up to chitown. the next weekend i'm hoping evan can come down, otherwise i may be forced to go to that horrible place where everyone wears blue and yellow, or maize, as they call it. we'll see. it will really all depend on whether i'll start working saturdays because of my project. i might be safe for september, but the rest of the fall may become very busy very quickly! however, even if that happens, i don't foresee it as too much of a problem because i know i'll be loving it and putting in time on the weekends will not even cross my mind as a bad thing :) well, except for the part about not being able to see evan. that will be a huge problem. we both have busy falls, even just with football games and shit like that. i'm dreading the times when we won't see each other for a few weeks or a month or something because of work or just conflicting schedules, wants, needs, whatever. i don't want to think about it :( boo :( here's hoping we can always get together at least every other weekend :)

alright, it's time for bed. well, time for laundry first. stupid laundry. gotta make sure everything is all clean so i have enough to choose from for the weekend :) apparently i have to make sure my wardrobe is acceptable not only for the east coast, but also for evan's parents ;)

oh, and i miss everyone. just to let those of you who are still reading this blog know :) you should all comment to make me feel loved, even though i'm so far away :)

sooooooo my job absolutely rocks. i have a blast every single day. considering how much time one spends at work, that's pretty important. i love the people i work with, i love what i'm doing, i love where i'm working, i love my company...seriously, happiest girl ever right now!!! and i haven't even started my big project yet! it's exciting and different every day and i'm learning so much. this job will be amazing for my future and that just makes me so pleased on every level :) basically everyone should go out and buy Pinnacle Entertainment stock because this company is doing great things, and you should also come visit Belterra Casino Resort & Spa because it's gorgeous and fun :)

living in Vevay, IN, is perfectly fine for me. my hotel room has turned into kind of a little studio apartment, probably much to the dismay of the hotel managers. ha. too bad for them. there isn't much to do or anything, but i can certainly live. no different than eagle river. plus i have some cool friends here to always socialize with. yay :)

and on another happy note, this month is just pretty much the most awesome month ever! let's recap:
-first week was in vegas, which was amazing, duh
-second week was my first week of work, which of course was awesome
-last weekend i picked up my kitty cat (YAYYYYY!!!! SO happy to have him back!!!)
-this weekend Evan is coming down for the Swiss Wine Fest here in Vevay, which will be very very fun because Haley's boyfriend is also coming up from Florida
-and next weekend is Labor Day and i'll be going to Washington DC for the first time ever!!! YAY!!!! i am SO excited!!! plus i get to be shown around by a local...and meet the parents :)

overall things are going well. and oddly enough, it seems that things are going well for a lot of people in my life and that just makes everything that much better. i feel so great when all my friends and family are happy too!

so...life is good :)

short update with a longer one to follow when it's not past my bedtime:

vegas week = awesomely amazing
food in vegas = awesome deliciousness
fellow EDPs = awesome awesome!
living in vevay, IN = not really that awesome, but sort of
evan's work = not really that awesome
missing evan = not awesome at all

more details very soon :)

i feel like a part of me is gone...my scort just got taken away to move down to indiana...from some random jolly guy in a nascar tshirt...i will be without my beloved scort until august 11. how saaaaaaaad :(

well, i'm happy again for the first time in a while. like really happy! i have a few things figured out and that's a good thing. but i don't have too much scheduled or planned and that is also good. i think one of the biggest and best things that i have learned over the past 3 or 4 months is that having every little thing decided is pretty dumb and really, extremely not fun. i cannot even explain how much i have changed in that time, and it's all for the better. i've always been an incredibly positive person, but i was also pretty uptight and definitely a planner. i think i'd consider myself a little more of a free spirit now and i feel amazing!!! life has always been a ride for me, and i've always enjoyed it, but now i've got my eyes closed and my hands up in the air...WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

to translate all of that, i'll be starting a new job with pinnacle entertainment on august 6. i'll spend my first week in las vegas (SWEET!) and then move to southern indiana for 6 months. after that, i'll spend 3 months at another location. then my training program will be over and i'll get a permanent placement. i'm ecstatic that my first rotation will be in facilities/construction and i'll be a project manager for a renovation project at the casino i will be working at. excellent. hopefully it will all just keep moving on to get me exactly where i want to be in the corporate construction/development office. perfecto. i'm sad that i'll have to stop being a gypsy and start work again, but in a way, i'll still be a gypsy for the next year and it'll be super fun AND i'll be getting paid for it!! yay!

also, i think things have finally, truly come to light in that other part of my life i spend so much time talking about in my blog. and that leads to nothing but good things. dreams can't always come true. not everybody gets their prince charming and their cinderella storybook ending. maybe someday. (i will ALWAYS love you more than anything in this world. ALWAYS. but i now understand that *drum roll* everything happens for a reason, even if they're not always reasons we want to fully accept.)

lastly, on that same note, i think my sentiments have changed from my last post to reflect the ever-awesome lady madge's latest lyrics.

I don't wanna hear
I don't wanna know
Please don't say you're sorry
I've heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say 'Forgive me'
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

back to song lyrics for a sec. this song seems a perfect expression of my thoughts.

(white flag. dido.)

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

so. all moved out of illinois for now. belongings in storage unit and car. life spread all over the place. ha. some things to look forward to:

june 10-17: new york for my girl Jackie's grad party and to see the boys get back from Afghanistan. FINALLY!!! very excited to see friends i haven't seen in a long time :)

june 21-26: fort lauderdale, FL with my favorite boys from college, Jake, Eugene, and Andy. can't wait!!!! sun and fun in florida is more than i could ever ask for!!! it's going to be a great time, no matter what :)

june 30: close family friend's wedding in western michigan at one of those cute little winerys. that will be a blast!

don't know exactly what i'm doing for the 4th, or for july, but i do hope to get out to colorado to visit a friend from high school, and possibly another trip somewhere, not quite sure. i'll probably spend some time between various places, family, and friends, in wisconsin and illinois. last time i'll see a lot of people for a while!

i find out this week where i'll be placed for my casino job. pretty exciting!!! i will start with a week in vegas on august 6th and then start at my property on the 13th. i'm sure it'll come up faster than i expect. i'm both excited and nervous, but i think it will be a good summer :)

keep in touch!!!!!!

well...much has happened since my last post, hence the lack of posts. just been busy. main news now is that i'm moving. i have to be out of my apartment here in aurora in a week. the second half of that is that i have NO idea where i'm going or what i'm doing after that. well, technically, i know i'm going home for a bit so i can take the cat up there so my mom can take care of him for a while. i think i'll be doing some road tripping and traveling after that, probably for the month of june and maybe even a little of july. hopefully a trip out east and a trip out west.

but as far as employment goes, that's still up in the air. i've been interviewing and finding some things, but i'm not 100% on anything. if i don't find anything i like in the area, i'll be moving to one of several locations across the country to start my career in casino management in august. nifty, eh? we'll see. i'm not 100% sure on that either, but it's a sweet package and would set me up nicely financially for the next couple years, if anything. so wish me luck in my decision making processes, because i'm lost as hell! ha. i hate making big girl life decisions all by myself.

things have also been screwed up in the, well, i guess you could call it "love department." i think everyone who knows me knows what happened with Bart and how i have been affected by that. it's still a mess as far as i'm concerned, and i know we both are. but i think the mess will all be neatly mopped up in approximately 3 weeks. and hopefully in a good way. well actually, either way, it will be good just to be cleaned up and not sitting out there all messy...if you can follow that metaphor :) haha. i just want to do what's right for both of us, since i think we both know in our hearts what that is.

oh, and i changed my email. so if you'd like it, please get in touch. the old one will work for another week, then you have to add on @yahoo.com instead of what it used to be. cell will stay the same. and mail will have to go to the rents' house. ugh, i can't believe i'm going home for a period of time longer than 5 days. kind of makes me want to barf. at least i'm not technically moving home because all my stuff is snug as a bug in a 10x15 storage unit :)

i guess sometimes all you need is a good vent session. and some blue moon. and some really, genuinely, nice, wonderful, caring people. i'll miss the boys from work when i leave...

i had a dream last night that i was driving at night and it was completely pitch dark and i had no headlights on my car. i was driving around northwoods dirt roads, like eagle river style, and i couldn't see a thing. it was completely terrifying. when i woke up, i remembered the whole dream pretty vividly, and when i put it together, it seems like this dream is one that very much parallels my waking life. i feel like i'm driving around in the dark, no light to lead the way whatsoever, and it is also pretty terrifying. my one source of light was just shut down out of the blue, leaving me with no direction, no way to see the path in front of me.

here's hoping the lights come back on soon.

best cure for a broken heart --> go to madison.

high school friends + beer + my soft spot = freakin excellent night #1

college friends + 5 liters of beer + ridiculousness + peer pressure = great night #2

:)

and now, back to the absolute horribleness that is my daily life. :( lovely. maybe i'll spend st. patty's day up there too...

absolutely NOT feeling better anymore. at all. to sum that all up for now in a few words of samurai philosophy:

"it is a good viewpoint to see the world as a dream. when you have something like a nightmare, you will wake up and tell yourself that it was only a dream. it is said that the world we live in is not a bit different from this." ~hagakure, yamamoto tsunetomo

only it's not a fucking dream. it's a real life, waking fucking nightmare.

i'm feeling a little better. not a lot better, but a little, just in case anyone was worried. day by day i'll continue surviving. and one day i'll be back to happy.